smooth as butter..

i was thinking about how the fact that i decided to blog this week may perhaps off set the entire normal way of life in the DTES. That maybe by claiming that my job is chaotic and insane might actually have some reverse effect , tonight woulD BE A PRIME-TIME EXAMPLE By far one of the nicest smoothest nights ive had ina while. A touch of fatigue followed by a splash of irritablitaly but for the most part super uneventful. It would be nice if my hopes of an alternate DTS reality were anything close to the truth but the reality is i knowthat the calm monday before the storm is pretty natural. At least one shift down in the seven. It gave me an opportunity to catch up with some of my favorite clients..and i know idealy i wouldnt have any favorites at all but it happens and you build relationships with people, Alot of them i see more then my friends or family...

Tonight i had a moment of trying to rap my head around cocaine phycosis. I mean i well into understanding the nature of addiction no doubt about that, sometime though i am just more i guess blown away at how powerful it is based on what people deal with when they get high. sorry run on sentence...super bagged. But especially with cocaine, tonight i had a client then whenever he uses he is 100% sure that there is a snake in his jacket and it torments him, as much as i tell him i cant find one, try his jacket it on, make suggestions that maybe to put the jacket away untill he comes down, he really feels it and knows its there. He knows this when he is "sober" before he takes his hit that this will happen at soon as the drugs hit his vein yet it doesn't matter... thats pretty powerful and as well a little more mild then some of the more severe cocaine phycosis. Like naother that is sure people are coming up behind her with knives to kill her. As if anyone would rationally choose to do that repeatedly to themselves without being completely powerless..

And like i said i get it, but there is a real tangibleness with that specific reaction that really hits home for me. Its hell, its complete purgatory. hmmmm 5 more minutes of writting...

sooooo unbelievably tired, my goal this week asides from day to day sanity is to not rely so heavily on chocolate to get me through the night.

thats it
night