mixed bag

YUP TODAY was most defiantly a mixed bag for me..i woke up feeling a tad disgrunteld, rode my bmx to a meeting about 10 min away..the whole bioke ride i went on and on in my head about the time i have spent inmy sobriety..why i havent gone back to school sooner, why i didnt become more disaplined about certian things blahblah...feelinglike i waste time, i have this fear of time and its passing, then i have fear of the fact that im wasting time fearing it and tus the cycle. So im in that and i get to the meeting and on my way up im caught by a poster on theboard of a girl i know from my work. She died this weekend and her memorila was today, 22 years old. It didnt say obviously how she died but unfortanly i can only make assumptions. For the rest of the meeting i didnt feel sorry ofr myself and mt "wasted time" being alive and all. The fact tha im alive threw the bullets ive watched myself dodge, i mean i know everybody didging bullets some peoples hails are just a little more obvious. So i continued on my way after the meeting to boxing then to work. I felt for her and i felt for her family, death is weird...your there, your not, thats it. Shes gone, nto there anymore to the eye.

Tnoight was a good night at work..i felt like i had soaked up enough love and a spalsh of gratitude that i came out level..even..content with my nights work.Had a good laugh with one of my favorite JK(i will cal lhm that) he was noddingout and i went to check on him, when i squeezed his shoulder he started yelling that he couldnt see..i reminded him to open his eyes and we laughed a while. One of my other favorites D ( i will call her that) rocked out to our choice of "80s flock" on satleiete radio, shes full blown , im assuming not medicated scizfrenic, its hard sometimes to have a fluent conversation with her, but man get some 80s hair metal and shes losing her shit. The other night she sang an entire journey song like 2 inches from ym face, amazing.

No drama, no overdoses, no bars actually, was super quite home early in time to sleep..tomight i feel seperate from the world i just left..sepertate in the healthy way !