solid

solid would sum up my night tonight. Today is oneof those days i couldn't imagine working anywhere else, i couldn't imagine feeling more pride about my job, i couldnt imagine not being able to be connected t some of the people i have met down there. I dont think it was about any major event but i really felt good about who iam at my work this evening. Honestly not blowing myself up at all but reALLY it felt productive. Stuff like actually taking the time to look over someones shoulder and ask why they have been in their booth for 45 minutes..not get mad at them but ask them if they need a hand...they do...i help them..i help them slow down the process..alot of people come in and there dope sick, they need to get the drugs in them stat, they rush...they push the needle thtough their vein, they stress out..they damage their veins and dont use hygienic practices... sometimes it just takes someone to stand by and have them relax a second..threw this process tonight a few times i was able to talk enough with people and fill them in on some really relevant things..like having the needle facing the right way up to cause less damage...hmmm using an alcohol wipe...not touching the site with your dirty fingers..any little small tips that will prevent infection..seems small but it isnt, thats the point, or at least one of them.

So i felt on point about that. Funny even as i write that i realize how hard that cocept might be for people to digest..like aren't i helping people use drugs..ya i sure am, but once you make the choice to walk through those doors..thAtS JUST IT, YOUVEMADE THAT choice..and chances are , by even glancing on the streets around u..or anywhere for that matter people will make choices and do them , regardless. As well...even tho im an addict and i know in my deepest of deepest hearts that it doesnt matter if i dont want to drink or use when i was in the cycle, i was completely in it. On a hamster wheel in the self made prison, even tho i know that for me to be true..working there has sealed the deal..talking with people every day has sealed the deal of the insanity of addiction. There is not one person that hasnt at some point talked to me about the fact that they want to stop, everyone does, no one wants to do what they are doing. yet somehow there is this notion that people are just being assholes and trying to disobey the law because they are bad people. So far from the fucking truth..look at cigarettes, same deal, no one wants to smoke..all smokers want to quit, if they say they dont i say they are lying.

Anyway im not sure of the point of that rant but i guesss i just wish everyone could work at my work for a day and see how painful it is, and see how human these people are. I see a good bunch of them more then my own family, they know me like the back of their hand, they know when im happy sad, distracted. Tonight i had a moment were i was thinking about my BF and how we just had to end things because he lives in a different country..i wasnt in the mood to engage and one of my favs( i may have like 200) was asking me whats wrong?whats wrong? nothing i tell him, im tired, he tells me im lying and trys to make me laugh ny recounting a time in the winter when a guy almost killed him with garbage plunger...we laughed...it wasnt funny at the time, i almost saw him die but manged to stop the guy at the last second,(totally unprovoked incident) but afterward we laughed and laughed out of nervousness and how random it was...he retold the story because he knew it would make me laugh.. Sometime we laugh and how crazy and fucked up everything is..not because its funny but because we have to sometimes...takes the edge off..

so it was good..i felt usefull, i feel like people trust me in their space which really comes in handy when im packing up there stuff and shuffling them off to the chill lounge or to the hospital ectect i think in part its because im really comfortable with them in my space, im totally not guarded unless my intuition tells me to be, and i also dont leave my i \phone lying around to get stolen-....happened once...never again

tomorrow is my friday! as well for the record..i took a few less punches today..or maybe she threw a few less but i did give her a fat lip!!!love boxing,,,hilarious..